If It Kills Me
by fowl68
Summary: The sound of a loud silence is a B flat. One-sided Shelos.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything! The song is Wedding Dress by J. Reyez and Tommy C. of IBU.

**Author's Note:** The relationship with Sheena and Orochi still fascinates me and I don't think the game gave it enough. Well, I'm not exactly expanding on it a whole lot either, but I think I'm slowly heading in that direction. I heard this song by accident on the radio and I fell in love with it immediately.

I finally began playing Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. It's as incredible as the second one.

Sadly, I finished writing this on Valentine's Day. This is so in the mood for this holiday. For those of you who are fortunate enough to have a Valentine, whether it be a friend or a more-than-a-friend, Happy Valentine's Day.

-/-/-/-

_Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, __Forever_

_-/-/-/-_

_Never should've let you go  
Never found myself at home  
Ever since that day that you walked  
Right out the door_

_You were like my beating heart  
That I, I can't control  
Even though we've grown apart  
My brain can't seem to let you go  
_

The mansion seems very empty these days and so Zelos finds himself wandering. Meltokio has changed a great deal, but at the same time, so much has stayed the same.

It's the same cobblestone streets, still the colorful flowerboxes on windowsills, still sharp turns and a clean layout. But the people are different. They whisper when he walks by, as they always have, but now it isn't because he's the Chosen (most of the time). These days, they point and whisper because he was one of the heroes of the new world, or so they were calling their ragtag group of misfits.

But the lower quarters have changed even less than the upper regions. The people who live in the slums still glare at him, still watch him warily from the corner of their eyes. They've never trusted the rich. The Chosen even less._ (Former Chosen. The position doesn't exist anymore)_

He sees her without looking for her. He sees her in dark curls, in a flash of purple cloth. But when he focuses on the source, it's never her. Not that he really expects it to be. He doesn't think she'll ever really trust him again.

_(Leaking information…Renegades too…always knew you were a pervert…good person when…)_

_Thinking back to the old times  
When you kept me up late at night  
We used to mess around_

He nearly leapt out of skin when he saw two brown eyes floating in the darkness. "Sheena?" She burst out laughing, tucking a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

She's still laughing as he clicks the lamp on. She's wearing black drawstring sweatpants and a black tank top. Usually, he could never tell she was from Mizuho, but there were times, like this, that she melted into the shadows and he wondered how he could have ever forgotten.

"It's payback." She tells him, eyes still sparkling with laughter.

"For what?"

Her expression tells Zelos that he should already know for what. "You saw me in the shower, you damn pervert."

"Darling, I thought we were past that."

"Now we are."

Zelos shook his head. The depths at which women were willing to go for payback never ceased to astound him. "C'mon. Let's get breakfast."

"It's almost midnight!" Sheena protests as he slings an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, are you going to be able to go back to sleep?" She doesn't reply. "Exactly. Now let's go make something absolutely disgusting that'll have us sick to our stomachs."

His plan succeeds. Their midnight breakfast is a bowl of cereal, chocolate syrup, cherries, some cantaloupe, soy nuts, whipped cream, caramel and rainbow sprinkles.

_Laugh and play,_

Sheena challenges him like no one else ever has. In wits and in physical ability.

"Bet you I can beat you up to the top of that tower." Sheena says, pointing at the target.

Zelos judges the distance from where they are. The rooftops in Meltokio are fairly uniform, albeit a little slippery after last night's rain, but he thinks he can find a clear path to the tower. "You're on."

Sheena bolts before they both finish saying go. Zelos swears she isn't human sometimes, with that speed. And where there was usually clumsiness, she had grace when she was up high. It was strange, but Zelos has learned to simply accept it as part of Sheena's odd puzzle.

She beats him, but only by a few seconds. They're sitting atop the tower and staring out at the world.

"It looks like a bicycle."

Zelos looks over at Sheena, who is lying back against the warm roof and looking up at the clouds. "Which one?"

She points and Zelos carefully follows the line of her arm. "See it?"

"Yeah. A bicycle who hit a wall."

"Hey, it moved, alright? It looked like a normal bicycle thirty seconds ago."

"If you say so."

Sheena shoves him playfully, making Zelos laugh. He wishes he could stay up here forever.

_Fuss and fight  
_

"You can't walk those streets alone!"

Sheena folds her arms across her stomach. "And why not?"

"It's too dangerous!"

"So you're saying that I can't take care of myself, is that it?"

Zelos knows that this is dangerous territory from her tone, but his protective instincts are telling him not to let her walk back to the Research Academy alone. "No. I'm saying that it's dangerous for a pretty, sixteen year old girl out on those streets at night. Even if she's a ninja."

"I know how to fight, Zelos. I'll be fine." She pulls on her coat—it was getting cold in Meltokio, the taste of frost constantly in the air though it was too early for snow.

"Why not stay here for the night?"

"I would if I could, but they want me for some early morning research tomorrow."

"Use an alarm." He suggested.

"Zelos, if you're so worried, why don't you just come with me?"

"…I didn't think you'd let me." Zelos told her honestly. Sheena was fiercely independent, always had been.

Sheena looked surprised. "Why would you think that?"

"You don't like people helping you when you think you can do something yourself."

"Yeah, but you're my best friend. Of course I'd let you come."

Zelos smiled delightedly. It was something simple, but he'd never been someone's best friend before.

__

I guess it's too late, I'm dancing this dance alone  
This chapters done, the story goes on

Baby  
Can't believe that you are not with me  
'Cause you should be my lady  
All I want is to set your heart free

But if you believe that you belong with him  
Promise me, you won't let anyone hurt you

He got the news at one of the many dinners at Dirk's house. Now that the worlds were rejoined, it was much simpler to travel there and Dirk always welcomed all of them.

Zelos had nearly choked on his stew when he'd heard Lloyd ask Sheena how the wedding plans were going. He coughed to clear his throat, eyes watering. "What wedding plans?" He finally managed.

Sheena looked at him and he focused his eyes on her left hand. How had he not noticed it before? The slim gold band, plain of all adornments. "…Orochi proposed to me. The wedding's in June."

Zelos supposes he shouldn't be surprised that it was Orochi. Orochi had always been fond of Sheena, and vice-versa. He'd been able to see that much in his few visits to Mizuho. And Orochi would be a good marriage in the eyes of the village. Orochi was a good man, Zelos knew. But when had all this happened? Why wasn't he told?

But rather than bring any of that up, Zelos simply hooks a smile on his face. "…Congratulations."

_Remember, I will always be here for you  
Even if it kills me to see you_

In that wedding dress  
Oh see you in that wedding dress  
See you in that wedding dress  
Oh see you in that wedding dress  


He's surprised when he gets the message that she'd like him to be there when she was getting a dress. When he asked her why, she just gave him a lopsided smile. "Who knows what works on a woman's body better than you?"

Zelos smiles lazily at that, but he hears the underlying message. They were best friends, once. Perhaps not right at this moment, but she isn't about to let that change this moment.Wasn't your best friend supposed to be with you when you bought the wedding dress?

"Why not a kimono?" Zelos asks as she changes behind a screen. "Aren't you two going to keep it traditional?"

"Because, quite honestly, no one wants to wear a kimono for the whole four hours of the wedding." Zelos snorted a laugh at that. How very Sheena-like in practicality the answer was. "So we're trying to mix the styles."

"Very adventurous of you."

"How's it look?"

Zelos looked up and found his breath gone. The dress had very thin straps and the bodice created the illusion of the kimono folded in front, forming a V at the neck. The dress was pale red, not pink and it fell smoothly to her feet.

Sheena shifted uncomfortably. "Would you stop staring?"

"Can't help it." Zelos tries for some of his charm. "It's a guy's mindset. Pretty girl standing in a…well-fitting dress. How could I not stare?" Sheena blushes, ducking her head. She had never been the best with taking compliments. "Why the red?"

"White's not for weddings in Mizuho."

"What's it for?" Zelos asked.

"…Funerals."

"So where did the red come in?"

"Red is good luck. It's why, on festivals, our lanterns are usually red."

Zelos hums in interest, but he's slowly committing this Sheena entirely to memory. The familiar one that enjoyed his company, that made him laugh. The one that was so similar to the girl he'd met seven years ago. But she's not his Sheena anymore. This could be the last time that she was. After this, she'd be Orochi's.

__

Snappin' out this misery  
Depression this ain't me  
But I always turn around  
180 degrees

_You got control of me  
And I, I can't explain  
Somebody call 911 Emergency  
Before I go insane  
_

Zelos has never been much of a drinker, the taste of alcohol never really appealing to him. But he has to admit, for his darker moods, it was the perfect accompaniment to the small dinner of mashed potatoes. It had been all he could find the energy to make.

He doesn't remember how, but he ends up at the piano in the living room. It used to be Seles' and one thing he does remember is how much she loved to play it. She'd taught him a little and he'd tried to teach himself the rest, but that had been years and years ago.

His hand rests against the ivory keys and a single note reverberates through the air. A B flat. Hadn't Sheena said something about that note once, during the peaceful, sunny days of their youth? She'd asked him if he'd ever heard a loud silence. He'd told her yes. Sheena had said that, to her, a loud silence sounded like a B flat. Zelos remembers laughing because it was an odd sounding thing and Sheena had flicked a peanut at him.

Zelos looks around the empty mansion. Yes, the sound of a loud silence was a B flat.

_Since you've moved on  
You took a piece of me give it back  
So much pain in my chest  
Blacking out, heart attack_

I guess it's too late, I'm dancing this dance alone  
This chapters done, the story goes on  


The invitation arrives by mail. Zelos doesn't recognize the neat handwriting._ You are formally invited to the wedding of Orochi Azumi and Sheena Fujibayashi on the seventh day of June._

He reads it aloud once and it leaves a bad taste in his mouth, like sour peaches.

__

Baby  
Can't believe that you are not with me  
'Cause you should be my lady  
All I want is to set your heart free

But if you believe that you belong with him  
Promise me, you won't let anyone hurt you

She turns at the click of a door opening and closing. "Zelos." She says, surprised. "What're you doing here?"

"Just wanted to talk to you."

Sheena eyed him warily. "What about?"

She still didn't trust him completely. Zelos isn't sure she ever would again. "…Are you sure about this? Getting married, I mean."

Her eyes hardened. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes. I am."

Zelos searched her face for any uncertainty, but she'd gotten better at hiding emotions after their journey. Or perhaps she really was absolutely sure about this. "…Alright."

He's at the door when he remembers and pokes his head back in. "I forgot…congratulations."

_Remember, I will always be here for you  
Even if it kills me to see you_

In that wedding dress  
Oh see you in that wedding dress  
See you in that wedding dress  
Oh see you in that wedding dress  


He stays for the wedding because to do otherwise just wouldn't be right. He stands when Sheena comes down the isle, Colette, Raine and Presea in front of her and her grandfather accompanies her. He listens as they make their vows and claps with everyone else when they kiss.

Even if it breaks his heart to do it.

__

And I see you with your man and it's hard to understand  
If we belong, if I did you wrong, where we even began

_We would always fuss and fight and it seems nothing was right  
But I loved you girl and you were my world but you'd never trust this guy_

Zelos bids them his congratulations again at the reception. They're comfortable with each other, he can tell and he's always known that. After all, they've known each other since they were kids. They grew up together.

He'd played his part too well._ (Just going for the winning side…hopeless and meaningless…)_ He'd gone to her that night after everything was said and done, had tried to explain. But she knew him too well. As much as he might have tried to play off the entire betrayal as something necessary for Lloyd to get the Aionis, as something that could get Seles out of the Abbey, she knew that, somewhere, he'd done it for himself too.

_'Cause the things I do when I'm on the stage, they say I'm a superstar  
You couldn't understand all the female fans and then we grew apart_

He'd changed while she was in Sylvarant. He knew that. It had been his only defense against the politicians, against the pressure. Before, she'd been there, a silent support, but after she'd left, the world seemed suddenly too large and he seemed so very small.

And he'd been angry. He'd hated the Renegades for what they'd told her to do. Assassinate Sylvarant's Chosen. They couldn't have chosen a worse person to give the job to. Sheena was an excellent fighter, one of the best that Zelos had ever seen, but she was too kind-hearted to kill someone in cold blood. Even for her world, even for Mizuho.

She hadn't known how to deal with the suddenly flamboyant Zelos. He'd been noticeable before and he'd always flirted, but he'd taken it to an entirely new level. And he never really flirted with her. Not after they became friends. He hadn't needed to.

But then, her going to Sylvarant had changed both of them. The woman who came back with Lloyd and the others wasn't the same one that had left. This one had a different confidence about her, a stronger center. She was coming into all of her potential while he'd been squandering his.

_And I just don't get when you're acting like some other person  
But I try my best to hold on at the times when it ain't working_

They're trying. Trying to get back to something civil and closer to the friendship they had Before. It has it's awkward moments, but sometimes, the conversation will flow smooth and easy and he hears her laugh again, sees the bright flash of a familiar smile.

Sheena still has all of her old habits. Like the fact that she doesn't like to keep her fingers still, always tapping out some strange melody on whatever surface happens to be nearby. Her nails used to make a certain click when she tapped them against the mug, but now, there's a tinging sound that's higher pitched and, at first, Zelos can't figure out where it's coming from, but when he focuses on her hand, it seems very obvious.

The slim gold ring mocks him and Zelos has become conveniently deaf to the tinging sound.

_And every time that you say it's over it breaks my heart and I don't know why  
'Cause you've done it a lot of times in the past but I get back up and try_

She's more guarded with him than Zelos can ever remember her being. With anyone. But he deserves it. He's stopped trying to explain his actions. He knows that they won't help. Sometimes, he'll say something casual, something just to fill the silence and she'll look at him with one of her slashing looks.

"You know that I still don't trust you, right?"

"Yeah, I know." He wants to call her darling again. Wants to watch old films with her on his couch with a bowl of cherries between them.

The betrayal is an elephant walking beside them on their wanderings through the city after the meetings when she comes for her peace ambassador duties. It fills the space, makes words and meanings stretch so that things become awkward.

Seles tells him things that Sheena never says. The two weren't great friends, but their relationship is better than Zelos' with her. Seles will sit with him once or twice a week sometimes and tell him things like, "Kuchinawa's back." And "She said that Orochi was thinking about kids." Things that Sheena would have told him, would have confided in him once upon a time.

_You said we could work it out, how could you hurt me now  
And you moved on to the next, I'm left with an imperfect smile_

_But if you believe that you belong with him  
Promise me, you won't let anyone hurt you_

It's an afternoon in May that Zelos asks, "…How are things with Orochi?"

Sheena glances at him. "They're fine."

"That doesn't sound too convincing." He's toeing dangerous territory, for both of them. But he needs to know she's happy, that she's okay with how things have turned out.

Sheena seems to think about it before saying, "…I don't know whether it's because I'm still not used to being married or if that's normal for the first year of marriage, but things just feel strange. Not bad, but sometimes I wake up and I think I'm still on the journey. Still hearing Genis snore and listening to Lloyd and Regal training in the morning."

"Let me guess, Orochi says it's battle fatigue catching up with you."

Sheena smiled faintly. "Something like that, yeah."

"If that's the diagnosis, than the fatigue's catching up with me too. It's too quiet to sleep sometimes."

Sheena tucks a leg under her, watching the crowds move. It's one of their few traditions that they haven't broken—to get coffee in a little café down on the border of the slums and the middle class and find a spot to people-watch. It's never the same spot twice in a row. "The celebrations are still going in Mizuho. The kids keep finding firecrackers."

Zelos chuckled. "Keeps you up all night?"

"Just about."

Zelos' smile fades a little as he studies her. "…And you're really happy with this?"

Sheena doesn't look at him for long heartbeats. "Yeah…I think so. I mean, it's a weird happiness and I think it'll take a little more getting used to, but it's happiness."

Zelos takes a quick gulp of hot coffee, suddenly needing something to do with his hands, needing to _move_ somehow. "Good. That's…good."

_Remember, I will always be here for you  
Even if it kills me to see you_

In that wedding dress  
Oh see you in that wedding dress  
See you in that wedding dress  
Oh see you in that wedding dress  



End file.
